20 Tips

Tip 20: Summarize Key Points.

Many people will find it instructive if you can recap some of the more important lessons from the discussion. The end of the session is a natural time to do this, but it's also helpful to do it at the beginning of a group meeting. (Recapping what the group has learned so far) Summarizing is particularly helpful after discussing an especially important or complicated point. Brief, spoken summaries from the leader enhance learning and retention, so take notes during the discussion and bless the group by emphasizing the essential take-aways.

20 Tips

Tip 19: Use a Board or Easel, if Appropriate.

Tracking on a board, the relevant points that people make is a great way of affirming, echoing, and clarifying what's being said. It will also help you to "connect the dots" more easily. Beyond that, many people will retain more of what's said if they've both heard it and seen it in writing.

9-28-08 Leader Guide

Small Group Leaders Guide
September 28, 2008

Series: One Week To Live
Message 4: Act Generously

Getting Started:
1. What do you think will be remembered most about you after you die?
2. Name a famous person in the Bible and what you most remember him/her for.


Going Deeper:
3. Read Ephesians 1:14. Why do you think the word, “deposit” is used here? If the Holy Spirit is the deposit that guarantees the inheritance, what do you think the nature of this inheritance is?

• Usually, a deposit is a small representation of the total amount but with sufficient value to come back for.
  

4. Read Ephesians 1:18-20. When will the inheritance that is referred to in this passage be paid out?

5. Read 1Peter 1:18. When thinking about what you will hand down to later generations, (to your children, grandchildren, or students, etc.) how do you decide what you want to hand down? How will you know that what you are handing down is what you mean to hand down?

6. In the 1Peter 1:18 passage, what were the forefathers handing down? What do you think is meant by the word, “empty” in that passage?

• Do you think the forefathers knew they were handing down something empty to later generations? Probably not.
• What is the difference between what the forefathers handed down and what we may be handing down?
  

7. Hypothetically, if you had the choice to leave each of your children 2 million dollars and nothing else or an example of a life lived for God and nothing else, which would you choose? If you knew you were going to die this week, and it was your life being used as the example, would you change your answer?

• Sometimes, all a person needs to make the difference between success in a given area (in this case, handing down a good example of a life lived for God) and failure, is intentionality.
  

8. Talk about ways to show generosity. What can a person be generous with that has nothing to do with money?

• Time
• Prayers
• Compliments
• Encouragement
• Home-made cards and notes
• Home-grown flowers
• Practical help
• Kindness
  

9. Some have said that we are the least generous with those who are closest to us. Have you noticed yourself being more kind or showing more grace or generosity to a friend than to a spouse or family member? Why do you think this happens? What will you do about it?


Putting it into practice:
10. What does it look like in your life to be leaving behind something of value for those you care about? If you’re not intentionally handing down something of value to those you love, make it a priority. Pray about this in your groups.

11. On Sunday, we talked about passing your faith along. Share one or two people that you would most like to see come to know Jesus.


Quote Of The Week:
Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever.
--Psalm 112:6

20 Tips

Tip 18: Stay With Fruitful Conversation, Even If It's Taking Too Much Time.

For group leaders who are especially time-conscious, it's natural to march through a set of questions and make sure everything gets covered in the time allotted. The best group leaders remain mindful, though, that the real goal of the meeting is transformation, not completion.
Sometimes, a question will stimulate lots of discussion. It will go deep; it will touch a chord; it will create excitement; it will surface pains or misunderstandings that need to be addressed; it will plant the seeds of lasting change for people. Avoid cutting off God's work in these situations. Don't be a slave to a script, insisting on covering all the questions in your time together. Some questions may require twenty minutes, others three minutes. So be flexible and learn to discern when to deviate from your original plan.

20 Tips

Tip 17: Allow Silence After You Ask a Question.

Eventually, it'll happen. You'll ask a question and no one will say anything. Avoid the temptation to fill that void with your own voice. Give people time to think. Let them muster the courage to answer a tough question. Give them a moment to hear from God, if that's the prompting they're seeking.
Get comfortable with silence after posing a question. Often, your patience will be rewarded with some of the richest and most poignant answers of the week.

20 Tips

Tip 16: Frame Questions Using "Why" and "How."

Usually, when you ask a question that begins with "why" or "how," people tend to answer with more thoughtful, more extensive responses than if you ask a question that begins with "who," "where," or "when."
Think about it. Questions that begin with these latter words can lend themselves to one or two word answers, right? But try answering a "why" or "how" question with one word. Not likely. If your goal is to get people talking, think about reframing the questions you ask.

20 Tips

Tip 15: Ask for People's Opinions.

"How about someone who hasn't spoken yet?" "Anyone else want to comment on this issue?" "Does anyone have a different perspective on this?"
These and similar questions are non-threatening ways of inviting people into the conversation. Write out some phrases with which you're comfortable and use them at strategic points in your group meetings to draw in quiet group members. Sometimes just this little nudge can be a turning point for people.

20 Tips

Tip 14: Cut Off Dominators.

Let's face it, they're out there. Many groups are blessed with that spirited person who contributes a little too much. And that can diminish the experience for everyone else. Usually, if the leader doesn't take control of this situation, no one will.
One solution is to talk to the person away from the group. It doesn't take much. Start by affirming the positive and then candidly make your request. "Fred, you really have a lot of good stuff to contribute in this study, but I want to make sure that others have an adequate opportunity to share, too. Would you be willing to scale back - at least a little - the number of times you contribute?"
A second way to balance contribution is to simply cut in when the dominator takes a breath, echo what he or she has said to that point (so they know they've been heard), and invite someone to respond to that.
As a last resort, you might say to the group something like: "I don't want you to feel like you're in school, but in the interest of managing this discussion, it would help me if you all would raise your hand when you want to comment." Then regulate the dominator's contributions in a way that's more helpful to the group.

Don't get your chainsaw out unless it's a last, last resort!!

20 Tips

Tip 13: Connect the Dots.

Another way to enhance the flow of discussion is to connect some people's comments to other people's comments. "So Sherry, you think that the verse calls us to action but Dan, two minutes ago, you said you didn't understand it that way. Can somebody else help us out here?" This is good facilitation because it clarifies where we are with the discussion and where we want it to go.

20 Tips

Tip 12: Echo What's Been Said.

This is such an essential facilitation technique! From time to time, you'll find it helpful to restate what somebody has just said - to "echo" it for the group. Echoing not only lets the speaker know that he or she has been understood, it also serves to clarify that person's point for everyone else. Beyond that, echoing makes it more likely that the rest of the group will respond to that person's comment, rather than just following with an unrelated comment.
So, echo comments where appropriate, and then, since you have the floor at that moment, invite commentary on what's just been said. The flow of discussion will improve dramatically.

20 Tips

Tip 11: Listen for Segues to the Next Question.

It's invaluable to always know where you want to go next with a discussion. Sometimes you simply have to announce the transition (i.e., "let's turn a corner now and look at the next question"), but the meeting flows more smoothly if you capitalize on natural transition points. Expert facilitators listen closely for comments that connect to where they want to go next and quickly use those comments to move the discussion forward.

Leader Guide week of 9-21-08 / John 13:1-17

Small Group Leaders Guide
September 21, 2008

Series: One Week To Live
Message 3: Love Completely

Getting Started:
1. Ask yourself the question: “What would I do if I had only one week to live?” Tell the group one of the top 5 things you would do.

Going Deeper:
2. In John 13:1 it says that Jesus showed them the full extent of His love. How do you think the passage that follows illustrates this?

3. What is Jesus teaching the disciples about love in this passage?

4. When asking yourself the question: “What would I do if I had only one week to live?” it seems normal to think in terms of what you want to do for yourself. What if the question was: “What would I do for others if I only had one week to live?” how different would your answer be? Why?

5. If you had one week to live, which people would you want to say, “I love you” to? Of these people, who needs to hear it the most? The least? Who hasn’t heard it for the longest period of time?

6. Read John 13:15. Re-read it, but this time change the word, “as” to “what.” How does doing this change the meaning of Jesus’ statement? What is the significance of the word, “as” in this teaching?

• Jesus was not telling His disciples to wash feet.
• Alone with His disciples in a room in Jerusalem, Jesus did the unthinkable. When there was no servant to carry out the custom of foot washing, Jesus assumed the role. The Master became the servant. The greatest and most high became the least and the lowest.
• The disciples weren’t to become full-time foot-washers, but full-time servers of men and women. They were to be servant leaders.

7. “Love is a verb” is a popular saying. How is love a verb?

8. In John 13:8-10, what is going on there? Why does Peter react the way he does? What does Jesus mean in verse 10?

Putting it into practice:
9. The people you love need to know it. If there is someone who needs to see your love in action, make a commitment to make that happen and pray about that in your groups.

Quote Of The Week:
How do I want to be remembered? Not primarily as a Christian scholar but rather as a loving person. This can be the goal of every individual.
--Elton Trueblood

20 Tips

Tip 10: Be Sure That Scripture Is Your Filter.

One would think we wouldn't have to say such a thing, but it seems that sometimes, our filters for right and wrong get clouded, even in Christian circles. Some people use their experience as an arbiter of right and wrong. Others use society's rules. Some are pragmatists, basing the right thing to do on "whatever works."
There are a lot of worldviews infecting Christian thinking these days, so when group members suggest solutions to problems, don't shy away from asking whether their suggestion aligns with Scripture. Ask them for any Biblical support they can think of.
If, as group leaders, we persistently come back to the Bible as God's standards, our group members will too.

20 Tips

Tip 9: Stay on Point

This is the downfall of many small groups. One tangential comment gives license to the next, and before you know it, a series of loosely related remarks has eclipsed your entire meeting time.
Ever been there? My guess is that you know exactly what I'm talking about, since this happens with unfortunate regularity.
This is a leadership problem more than it's a participant problem. To avoid it, keep the group focused on the question at hand and follow up tangential comments by bringing the group back to the actual question. Everyone benefits when a leader steers the conversation, and everyone suffers when he or she does not.

20 Tips

Tip 8: Hone Your Listening Skills

There's an old adage that says: "Being listened to is so close to being loved, that most people can't tell the difference." You may have experienced the feeling first-hand. Do what you can to make sure everyone in your group feels it as well.

Concentrate on what each person is saying, rather than thinking about your own response. Rephrase their point when appropriate, so they'll know they've been heard. Use non-verbal cues as well that show you're listening. Cues like occasionally nodding, positioning your body to squarely face the speaker, leaning toward the speaker slightly, and so on. You'll be amazed at how such little things can make a person feel "listened to" -- and loved!

20 Tips

Tip 7: Create a Safe Environment for Sharing

In almost any small group, there will be people who are intimidated or shy about participating. There are some things you can do, though, to make it safe for them to engage. For starters, be transparent. Share your own struggles. Admit your own challenges with the issues being discussed. Confess your own imperfections and others will feel freer to then share their own.
It's also important to be supportive early in the study of almost every comment. That doesn't mean you tolerate heresy, but it does mean signaling that people don't need to be profound to contribute something of value. Try to avoid strongly disagreeing with people until such a point when everyone's had an opportunity to feel comfortable contributing.

20 Tips

Tip 6: Model the Way

If you want people to listen to one another, then listen closely to people. If you want them to be transparent and candid, then you go first. If you want them to dig deeper into God's Word, then model that yourself. If you want them to be accountable to one another, then be sure they know of your accountability relationship. Lead by example, not just by what you say.

Leader Guide Week of 9-14-08 / Reconciliation

Small Group Leaders Guide
September 14, 2008

Series: One Week To Live
Message: Reconcile Quickly

Getting Started:
1. How hard is it for you to say you’re sorry? How hard is it for you to receive an apology and forgive that person?
2. Looking back on your life, share an apology that someone gave to you that really meant a lot.

Going Deeper:
3. Read Romans 5:9-11. Define “reconcile.” Who is being reconciled to whom in this passage? What is Paul’s response to the reconciliation he describes in this passage?

• Reconcile: (verb) restore friendly relations between, cause to coexist in harmony.
• If you play a third party role in helping others to reconcile, the definition would read: to make someone accept a disagreeable or unwelcome thing. Think about this in relation to how Christ has reconciled us to God while we are still sinners and certainly don’t “deserve” it.
• If you’re the “disagreeable or unwelcome” thing, would your response to reconciliation be like Paul’s?

4. According to Romans 5:10, we were reconciled to God when we were His enemies. Obviously God went first. How hard is it for you to go first when the other person is the one in the wrong? Is it appropriate to go first when you did nothing wrong?

5. Read 2Corinthians 5:18-20. What is the “ministry of reconciliation?” How does a person minister in this way?

• It’s clear from the passage that Paul is referring to sharing the gospel. He says we are ambassadors that have been sent to speak on Christ’s behalf and that encouraging people to be reconciled to God is a part of our message.

6. Compare Matthew 5:23-24 to Matthew 15:3-9. What is the main point of each passage? What similarities do you see? Why, in Matthew 5, does it say “first” go and be reconciled to your brother? Is Scripture teaching that the actions of reconciliation and sacrifice toward people should take priority over reconciliation and sacrifice toward God?

• Reconciliation and sacrifice toward people IS and RESULTS FROM reconciliation and sacrifice toward God.

7. Read 1Samuel 12:2-3. How important is it to “make it right” in the process of reconciling with someone?

• Here are some ideas:
• When there’s nothing else you can do.
• When you have “made it right.”
• Luke 19:8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

8. Read Romans 12:18. What stands out to you most from that verse? Let’s say you’ve tried to make things right, but the relationship is still broken. How do you know when you have gone far enough? How can you tell when you’ve done your part and at that point it no longer “depends on you?”

• Here are some ideas:
• When there’s nothing else you can do.
• When you have “made it right.”
• When your attempt was complete, sincere, humble.

9. Read Acts 7:26-27. Sometimes, reconciling is something you do between yourself and another person. Sometimes, you may be a third party helping others to reconcile. Have you ever tried to reconcile two people? Tell about what happened.

10. Read Colossians 3:13. This passage indicates that Christians will have grievances with each other. What does it mean to bear with one another? Are there times we may not like someone but just need to put up with them? This passage also talks about forgiveness. Can you forgive someone even if they don’t ask for it?

11. Colossians 3:13 tells us to “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” In what ways did the Lord forgive you? What qualities/actions did God show when forgiving you? what would “Jesus-like” forgiveness look like in a Christian’s life? Share how you think that person would respond when hurt.


Putting it into practice:
12. Who do you need to reconcile with? What will you do this week to make it possible? Pray about this in your groups.

Quote Of The Week
He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon no longer be listening to God, either.
--Dietrich Bonhoeffer

New Small Group!

Normally, when I announce a new small group, I put a picture of the small group leader here and this time is no exception. But in this case, you will have to decide for yourself who the real leaders are!

Sometimes, as a new parent, it feels a lot like the baby is the boss!

I think this small group will fill a gap that our church has had for a while now: Moms with young children. This new group will start meeting on Friday mornings at 11:00am beginning on September 19th.
When you see Mandy and Vanessa, please take the time to join me in welcoming them to the small group family and thank them for serving! And don't forget to add them to your prayer lists!

Thanks Mandy and Vanessa!!!

20 Tips

Tip 5: Be Prepared

The familiar real estate axiom is that the three most important things in a property are location, location and location. In small group leadership--and in teaching generally--one could piggyback on this axiom and say the three most important things are preparation, preparation and preparation. There’s simply no substitute for it (as some of us have seen from witnessing an unprepared group leader or teacher.)
If you’re going to facilitate effectively, you need to have mapped out how you’ll begin the group meeting, what questions you’ll cover, approximately how much time you’ll be devoting to each of them, some proposed answers for each question, and a way to bring the meeting to effective closure. In your planning, though, don’t worry about becoming an expert on the subject matter. Great facilitation can easily happen even though you might lack expertise (remember, you’re a “guide on the side.”) But it’s unlikely to happen without planning and thorough preparation.

20 Tips

Tip 4: Encourage Accountability.

Accountability matters, and because it matters, we see it in a lot of contexts. CEO's answer to boards. Elders oversee pastoral performance. Accrediting bodies hold schools to high standards. Governments guard against excessive power of their branches by maintaining checks-and-balance systems.
Accountability matters in small groups as well. We're more likely to experience permanent change when we have an accountability partner who will support us, ask us whether we're keeping up with our commitments, and check on our progress. So, early on, encourage people toward accountability and be accountable.

20 Tips

Tip 3: Operate in Joy.
The disposition of the leader powerfully drives the disposition of the whole group. When you adopt a joyful and celebratory disposition throughout the study, others will follow. When you smile, when you're upbeat, when you're genuinely excited to be leading, when you celebrate successes, it will infect the group. And that will significantly improve the experience for everyone involved.

As you know, though, joy doesn't just happen. It's not something you can engineer on demand, nor is it something you can fake for very long. Rather, real joy starts with seeing clearly the opportunity with which God has blessed you. You have been commissioned to help Him make people's lives better through leading this study. Your work with this group is, in fact, a sacred ministry. This sort of perspective leads to gratitude for the opportunity, and out of gratitude flows joy, both in your preparation and in your leadership of the discussion.

20 Tips

Tip 2: Operate in God's Strength.
Tip 1 said that successful small group leadership happens when you make the study about God. Here's the flip side: successful small group leadership happens when you lead the study through God. The best leader is one who's first a follower. Ask God to empower you to lead beyond your abilities, and return to this prayer often. Additionally, make prayer the bedrock of your group time together as well, at the very least opening and closing each session by collectively talking to God.

20 Tips

Hey Leaders,

I found these small group leadership tips and wanted to share them with you over the next couple of weeks.
They come from pages 74-82 of the Freedom From Busyness Leader's Guide by Michael Zigarelli.
I'll share a few of them each week until we get through all 20.

Tip 1: It's Not About You.
Leading a small group study is not about you. It's about God. The more you can remain in the mindset of magnifying God and minimizing yourself, the more others will learn from the study. Take a cue from John the Baptist: "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30)

For some small group leaders, this humble posture is quite natural. For others, the ego has a funny way of creeping into everything they do. If you find yourself saying and doing things out of concern for what others will think of you as the leader, that's a red flag. Instead, try not to worry about your reputation, about people pleasing, in Paul's words (Galatians 1:10). Your job as a small group leader is simply to co-labor with God to draw people closer to Him.
So to boil it down to a sentence: to lead a small group with excellence, be the "guide on the side," not the "sage on the stage." This is God's group. Keep Him at center stage and He will bless everyong in the group.

Leader Guide 9-7-08 / Ephesians 5:15

Small Group Leaders Guide
September 7, 2008
One Week To Live

Getting Started:
1. If you had one week to live, what are some of the things you would do? If you only had time to make one phone call before you died, who would it be to?


Going Deeper:
2. Read Psalm 90:12. What do you think Moses means when he uses the phrase, “number our days aright?” If you prayed that prayer, how would you say it?

3. Read the prayer in Psalm 39. Why would someone want to know their “life’s end” What do you think he meant by this prayer?

4. Read Ephesians 5:15-16, what do you think it means to make the most of every opportunity? What do you think it means to live carefully?

5. If God were to look at your life, what would He point out as the greatest time wasting activity? If you were to stop that time wasting activity, what do you think God would have you fill that time up with?

6. Share some Bible passages that describe God’s purposes for us and the way we live. Discuss how you see God fulfilling those passages in your life and your role in that process.

• 1Peter 1:14-15
• 1Peter 2:12
• 2Timothy 2:15
• Romans 8:29
• Romans 12:2
• 1Timothy 4:12
• 2Corinthians 3:18
• Philippians 2:1-5
• Philippians 1:9-11
• I couldn’t begin to come up with all the passages but here are a few to get you started.

7. Read Acts 20:24. Paul had a “if nothing else” attitude about sharing Christ. In your life, if nothing else, what are some things you want to do/become/experience?

8. Many people say they would like to go back to school, pray more, read the Bible more, spend more time with family, etc. What is it that stops people from making these changes?

9. During our series we’re going to look at five topics, live purposefully, reconcile quickly, love completely, act generously and think eternally. Which of those will be most helpful for you and why?

10. Read John 15:5. This is the first step to living purposefully. In what way or what area does this step need to be taken in your life so that it is no longer “apart”?



Putting it into practice:
11. Is there a decision you’ve been putting off or haven’t acted on that would help you live more purposefully? Pray about this in your groups.

Quote Of The Week:
Great minds have purposes; others have wishes.
--Washington Irving