10/25/09 Leader's Guide

Real Relationships
The Week of October 25th

Getting Started:

1) Growing up, what role did faith play in your family? To what degree were your parents on the same page spiritually?

2) In what relationship or role is it hardest for you to actively express your faith? At work, with certain friends, at family reunions, with neighbors, with brothers or sisters?

Going Deeper:

3) In 1 Corinthians 7:12 & 13, it appears that in deciding whether to stay or deciding to leave, the decision falls to the unbeliever. Why does the unbeliever get to make the decision whether not the marriage will work?

One reason that Paul gives relates to the spiritual condition of the unbelieving spouse – perhaps Paul thinks that such a departure may repel the spouse from the gospel, and continuation may attract the spouse to the gospel.

4) Read verse 14. Sanctify means to make holy. How can an unbelieving person be sanctified through their spouse?

To “sanctify” can simply mean “to set apart” for something or to someone. When a mechanic lays out his tools as he is preparing to work on a car, he does so in order to have quick access to them. The tools are within reach of the mechanic, prepared for him to use. Paul seems to be saying that given the proximity of an unbelieving spouse to the work of God in the believing spouse, they experience a special exposure to the gospel, and so are more prone to having God seize their life.

5) What does it mean for children to be unclean? What does it mean for them to be holy? Malachi 2:14-15 may offer some help.

Paul argues from the obvious to the less obvious. It was obvious to believers that though their children are born in sin (Psalm 51:5), yet given the exposure to and training in the gospel in a family setting, they could have confidence that their children would be far more prone to accept the gospel (Proverbs 22:6). As such they are considered “clean.” Paul then uses this connection to establish that an unbelieving spouse is similarly “clean” or “sanctified” by the presence of the believing spouse, therefore under girding his earlier point that it is best for a believing spouse to remain with an unbelieving spouse unless they chose otherwise.

6) In verse 15 it says that if an unbeliever leaves let them leave, the believing spouse is not bound. What does it mean to not be “bound”? For example, does this mean they are free to remarry?

“Bound” seems to mean constrained to remain unmarried because the divorce was considered unjustified.

7) In what way can the departure of an unbelieving spouse allow a believer to “live in peace” (vs. 16) What is the point of this phrase?

Trying to force a union of two people when one only desires such a union is a recipe for strife and drama in a home. Paul later on suggests that though the unbelieving spouse is “sanctified” by the believing spouse, such a condition doesn’t guarantee the salvation of the unbeliever. In fact, one may infer that a believing spouse who insists on the continuation of the marriage with an unbeliever despite the latter’s protest, may actually end up repelling the unbeliever from the gospel. See questions 3.

8) Verse 16 talks about the unbelieving spouse being saved. What advice would you give to someone married to unbeliever who wanted to influence their spouse toward Christ?

Putting It Into Practice:

9) What can you do this week to bring God into a mismatched relationship?
10) Do you know someone who is struggling as the sole believer in a difficult relationship or job situation? What can you do to encourage them?

10/18/09 Leader's Guide

Real Relationships

The Week of October 18^th

Getting Started:

1) What couple do you know who have been married the longest?

2) Think of a long term relationship in your life. What have been some of the keys to making it work?

Going Deeper:

3) In verse 8, Paul tells those who are unmarried and widow that it would be good for them to remain unmarried? What are some of the advantages to being single? What are some of the challenges to being single?

Advantages - In verses 32 – 35, Paul says that those who are single are more apt to be free from concern, allowing them to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. Spouses can get distracted from the Lord with each other.

Disadvantages – There’s peer pressure to get married; there’s the challenge of loneliness; there’s the challenge of sexual purity.

4) In verse 9, we find one of the reasons for getting married: to deal with lust. How would you counsel a couple who desires to get married for sexual reasons, even though they don’t appear to be ready for a marriage commitment?

They need to slow down in the physical department – diffusing as much temptation to allow them to focus on those neglected areas.

They need to speed up in the relational department – proactively working on those areas that will make them ready for the marriage commitment.

5) In verse 10-11, we see that God commands that we stay married. How does viewing this as a commandment affect your relationship with your spouse?

6) Verse 10 tells a wife not to separate from her husband. When could separating for a season be a good idea? When would it be a bad idea? What other options could you share?

7) Verse 11 Brings up the topic of divorce. How has divorce impacted your life? Do you have friends or family members who are divorced? Have you gone through a divorce? Drawing from your experience, what challenges have you faced as a result of divorce?

8) In what situations do you believe that God allows divorce? What Bible passages could you point to support your view?

Here are some of the grounds for divorce that some have offered from Scripture:

Adultery

Abandonment/Neglect

Abuse

See the following link for a reasonable treatment of the topic: HERE -

9) Verse 11 tells separated spouses to remain unmarried or else reconcile. If you had a Christian friend who was separated and saw no hope for reconciliation, what would you tell them to do? What Biblical backing would you have for your advice?

Putting It Into Practice:

10) Are you facing a relationship conflict. What can you do to work through the problem?

11) Do you know a marriage that is struggling, what could you do to reach out and help?

12) Take time to pray for the marriages in our church.

10/11/09 Leader's Guide

Real Relationship

The Week of October 11th

Getting Started:

What couple do you know that who models a healthy relationship? How do they do that?

Going Deeper:

Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Verse 4 tell us that as a married person, our body is no longer our own. What else have you given up in marriage as “no longer your own”. How difficult was that change?

A person gives up most forms of independence: relational, financial, emotional, etc. Marriage should be marked by interdependence.

Looking at verse 5, why do you think Paul warned against depriving your spouse of physical intimacy? Why is this concept important to the overall relationship?

“Some in Corinth were trying to practice celibacy within marriage. Apparently this refraining from sex within marriage was a unilateral decision of one partner, not a mutually agreed-on decision (vv. 3-4). Such a practice sometimes led to immorality on the part of the other mate (v. 5b; cf. v. 2). Paul commanded that they stop this sort of thing unless three conditions were met: (a) The abstention from sexual intercourse was to be a matter of mutual consent on the part of both husband and wife. (b) They were to agree beforehand on a time period at the end of which normal intercourse would be resumed. (c) This refraining was to enable them to devote themselves to prayer in a concentrated way” (The Bible knowledge commentary : An exposition of the scriptures)

What is your view of physical intimacy as a debt you owe your spouse? How does verse 5 affect your view?

What practical advice could you offer a newlywed couple to achieve “mutual consent” in the area of physical intimacy?

1. Have you clearly communicated about the issue? If not, do so.

2. Have you considered your spouses’ needs, desires (or lack thereof), and emotions and lived for their benefit? If not, do so.

3. See next questions

Read I Peter 3:1 and 1 Peter 3:7. How should we approach the discussion when reaching the “mutual consent” discussed in 1 Corinthians 7:5?

What practical point was Paul trying to make? How would you rewrite that verse in your own words to make the same point?

Spouses need to relate sexually. It’s an important part of life, and so should not be overlooked as something needing proactive attention.

In what ways does lack of physical intimacy invite temptation? Who is ultimately responsible when temptation strikes?

Read Ephesians 5:25-31. Why is this responsibility placed on the husband?

What do you find most challenging about these passages? What do you find most liberating about these passages?

Putting It Into Practice:

For married couples: Have a discussion with your spouse about the satisfaction with physical intimacy in your marriage. For singles: Share your plan to stay sexually pure until marriage.

Prayerfully consider how you can honor God in your physical relationship in marriage.

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